I was reminded of something today. What or why. Which question do we ask God? What or why?
I find myself asking why way to much. Why is not a bad question but if God was to answer the why question would I understand the answer? Probably not. I cannot see the whole picture but He can. So, why from his perspective makes sense. From mine it is frustrating. Oh, I think I can understand that it all will make perfect sense but that is not true. Usually it takes months or years for the why to make sense and sometimes it never does until we get to heaven. So, why do we ask why. I think mostly because I am afraid to ask the what question. What am I supposed to do? What I am supposed to say? What I am supposed to learn? I think if He would answer the why then the what would be easy. Isaiah says our ways are not his ways, our thoughts are not his thoughts that his ways and thoughts are far beyond what we can understand.
I remember my last time of asking why it was at the loss of a job I loved. I had worked in that job for 16+ years and wanted to retire from there. That was not HIS plan. No, one day I was offered to take a severance package or a job I knew would not work for so many reasons. At 54 you wonder do I have what it takes to find another job? What if I don't find anything? What if I go through all my savings and still do not have something? I was asking God why are you doing this to me? I spent a lot of my prayer time asking why and going over and over what I did wrong. I did not want to go through this. Now at 59 I can see better the why but it still does not make complete sense. Wasn't there an easier way to get me to this place?
If I was to go back and ask instead what do you want me to do next? What lesson are trying to teach me? What place do you want me to be? Maybe I would have learned my lessons quicker. Because of all that I went through a huge time of growing took place as I was working my recovery at Celebrate Recovery. God knew exactly what he was doing. He needed me to change, to grow and to move on. The job I have now is much less stressful, has much better insurance and much better retirement. But without the trial I would not be the man I am now. I love working in Celebrate Recovery. I see it as the hospital our brothers and sisters need and I get to be part of helping others walk their recovery out of all kinds of things.
So, what are you still asking why about? Why did my husband/wife die? Why did my husband/wife leave me? Why can I not quit smoking? Why can I not stop looking at the porn? Or perhaps you have the same why I had - Why did you take away my job, my safety net? I know one thing if you will come to Celebrate Recovery you will meet someone who has been where you are and they will help you get through it. So why do you keep fighting the urge to go? Give it up and just go. If you do and you work your program you will get better. Hope to see you soon.